Have you got any friends love?
This was the question I was asked by a random lady in a café who had decided to stroke my bump. ‘Yes, of course I have friends!,’ I replied, thinking what a cheeky question, why even ask me such a thing?
But about four weeks after having my baby the penny dropped – my mates were still at work, my husband had long gone back to his job and I was on my own with a new baby!
The reality of life as a new mum
The luxury of being at home with no alarms waking me up every day had sounded dreamy. I had ideas of lazy mornings in front of the TV and afternoon strolls through the park. But the reality was actually rather different. Reality was rather dull.
The thing is, babies are quite hard work. They don’t care for lazy mornings. In fact, they have no problem with waking up at half hour intervals throughout the night, then starting the day at 5am. They don’t want to discuss the latest clothing trends featuring on This Morning. They might decide to cry the whole way through, so you can’t even hear it. And afternoon strolls through the park, well I didn’t take into account the British weather or my exhaustion levels.
“It’s widely recognised that anxiety and post-natal depression can be the result of a lack of a support network.”
So, when I replay that question in my mind, I now see what she was actually saying to me. It was something like this: ‘Do you realise that being at home with a baby can be really hard work? Do you realise it can be lonely, frustrating and boring? You need to have some mum mates to hang out with, to rant with, to discuss all the challenges that being a new mum brings with it.’ Now I get it, you need mum mates.
It’s widely recognised that anxiety and post-natal depression can be the result of a lack of a support network. I’ve heard so many times about mums feeling like they are losing their sanity as they spend their days with no adult conversation. Many use the checkout ladies at ASDA as their only point of human contact. Scary stuff right! To be honest, for a long time a lovely checkout lady in Sainsbury’s was my only friend. I would purposely go in to do the weekly shop when she was working – just so I could see a friendly face regularly.
So, if you’re pregnant and reading this, or you’re a mum and can totally relate to what I’ve just said, I actually have a solution for you. And no, it’s not stalking techniques for the playground or chat up lines for the toddler groups. I’ve got an easier solution which, when I stumbled across it, felt like a no-brainer.
One day I found Mummy Social and suddenly saw a light at the end of a very lonely tunnel. You sign up, creating a short profile, then it does what it says on the tin – helps mums get social with each other. You can find other members near you and go to or arrange meet-ups. It’s used by thousands of mums across the UK and has worked wonders. From new best friends made, to groups of mums hanging out each week, to post-natal depression (PND) being lowered and confidence grown. It’s been a massive life line to myself and many others.
“It’s been a massive life line to myself and many others.”
It was started by a mum of two in Devon, who built the website while her first baby napped, after she experienced the loneliness of being a mum. Now it even has two celebrity ambassadors: TV presenter Helen Skelton and top mummy blogger The Unmumsy Mum. I think it’s such a beneficial movement for mums that I’ve volunteered to be the local ambassador for Chester and Wrexham. Which is how I’ve come to write this blog for Uber Kids!
Stepping out of your comfort zone
I know how out of our comfort zone meeting up with people we don’t know can be – I get it. It feels so much easier to stay in with This Morning right? I was so nervous I was practically shaking when I waited for another mum I’d invited to the park to turn up. But guess what? We had an hour of non-stop adult conversation while the kids played and it was pure bliss! Afterwards, I felt energised, confident and far more positive than I had been in a long time. It was 100% worth getting involved with and putting myself out there. So, I’m trying to encourage as many other mums and mums-to-be to do the same. Come and join in the fun and get social ladies!
Oh, and that mum that I met on my first ever social is now someone I would call my friend and she’s recently become joint local ambassador with me!